Sunday, March 2, 2014

Not only do I hate THIS DOG

But I also HATE all the doggie lovin' idiots tryin' to save it.

You know what, though?  It makes no sense to argue with idiots or try to reason with the irrational, oh, sometimes it's worth a few chuckles, but seriously, when you get 25K "likes" on a page promoting saving one of these worthless animals and 100X less than that on the poor kid's page who nearly lost his face to the same animal, there's a hell of a lot of mis-directed energy out there. 

To me, that's just energy wasted.

So here're my ideas on harnessing all that pittie pity for good, or at least humiliatin' and scarin' the fuckers off when they won't put their money where there big mouths are.

Any dog, having caused severe injury or death in an unprovoked attack will be spared from euthanasia IF AND ONLY IF the following conditions are met, say, within 30 days, cuz I'm really mean and I get bored of drama real quickly.

 (Warning to all you dangerous doggie darlings, warm up those "gofundme" sites, as this is gonna get expensive real quick).

1.  Funding for all the victim's current and (generously) projected medical bills for the attack must be secured.  Don't know how you pay the family back for a death, but I'm sure the big insurance companies can help ya'll come up with a figure.

2.  Speaking of insurance companies, enough money has to be raised to ensure enough insurance is purchased on the dog to cover any potential future injury, cuz, even if by some miracle the doggie angels raise enough for item #1, nobody believes they'll be around for the next mauling.

3. Enough funding will be secured so that poochie can live out its life in proper containment, say a cage with a concrete floor, steel bars, a roof and lots and lots of hotwire to help it remember not to play with (or piss) on the bars and help it's caretakers remember the same. 
Proper containment includes adequate leashing and muzzling whenever doggie is removed from its regular containment unit an a nice steel box with a few air holes, whenever it has to be transported off premises.

4.  Oh, speaking of caretakers, since they've taken on a known dangerous animal, they will be criminally liable for any violations of #3


any violations of #3, will put doggie back on death row.

5.  To help ease future identification of former death row doggies, DNA* will be taken and placed into a nationwide database funded by the same death row doggie well wishers AND doggie will be marked on the head, sides and back in such a manner that they can be identified from a safe distance.  I'd suggest something like a large, strategically placed, X or a bull's eye.  It shall be legal for anyone seeing such a dog at large to dispatch such dog with whatever means at hand. 

Of course, it follows that former death row doggies cannot be dressed up in stupid costumes, tutus or service vests.

So whatdaya think?  Is that enough? I say if enough yo-yos with enough money want to save these worthless animals, let 'em.  Just make sure they adequately pay the victims and protect the public FIRST.

I have one more thought that I don't understand why we haven't employed way long time ago.  Why don't we pull these dog's teeth, even in "one bite" states?  Hell, felons can't (legally) have guns, why do we not take these animals' weapons away?  Don't tell me it's cruel, I've seen more than one toothless 'old' border collie still handy on the farm, having made themselves that way through a life of fetching. 

Those dogs get along just fine. "Onion" the 'rescued' killer would get along just fine too, and be a fuck site less dangerous.

*I may have freaked a bunch of folks by the sight of "DNA testing" on the screen.  Rest assured, this is for INDIVIDUAL dog identification purposes alone, not any attempt at breed ID.  Microchips have been known to get lost, and can be removed.  DNA is for life.