Thursday, August 18, 2016

Barkin' Dogs, AGAIN!

Damn.  Just Damn. 

After years of battle I finally convinced one jackassed neighbor that they should shut up their effin' dog an' I had Peach and Quiet in the woods for awhile, but no now.

Now, I got a yippy creature on the other side wakin' me up way before dawn and makin' me very CRANKY.

You'd think on near 35 acres you'da bought yerself Peace and Quiet, but NO.  Not a chance with every freakin' Dawg Lovin' moron lovin' their dogs by dumpin' them outside all night long and ignorin' them when they raise a racket.  Damned thing coulda been eaten alive by a mountain lion and it's lazy assed owner wouldn't known.  Idiots.

Rather wish it HAD been eaten alive, however, as this looks to be the latest neighborhood nuisance.

I exercised my lungs for awhile back at the stupid mongrel, but that had no effect.  I'll have to get closer, and meaner, and earlier in the morning for the pinhead owners to notice.

In the mean time, I wrote a nastygram to their HOA, cuz they're stick-up-their-asses gated community folks, don't ya know. 

And I'm thinkin' about the next escalation.  Could log off the 20 acres next door to 'em and put in a Industrial Chicken farm.  They'd love the smell, but it won't be fair to the chickens.

Oh, oh..   free range hogs.  Much smellier, and meaner too.  Poochie wanders onto the place and poochie becomes part of the next pack-o-bacon!

bwahahahahahahaha

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Hey IDIOT! Leashes are NOT MEANT FOR RESISTANCE TRAINING!

If your DOG is leaning on its LEAD you're doing it WRONG!

The DOG should not be CHOKING because it's PULLING SO HARD it's cutting off its AIR.

Your ARM should not be SORE when you're done walking your DOG.

You should NEVER be pulled off your FEET by your DOG.

(You should NEVER have your ARM/wrist/elbow/hand/shoulder broken when your DOG pulls you off your feet)

You and your DOG should not be TILTED AWAY from each other at 45 degrees so that you can maintain your balance while your DOG CHOKES itself because it's LEANING ON ITS LEASH so hard.
 
People should not be crossing the street while you walk your DOG because you have so little CONTROL of it, it may pull away from you and kill them/their dog/their kid/their horse/their spouse.
 
Leash train your damned DOG properly so that it isn't a danger to ITSELF or OTHERS, or keep the damned thing at home.
 
If you get out in public and REALIZE that your DAMNED DOG has LOST ITS MIND, or you were unable to properly LEASH TRAIN your ANIMAL, take it back to your CAR/your HOUSE/your CARDBOARD BOX UNDER A BRIDGE and keep it there until it IS.

Pit Bull Breedin' - Better than Havin' a Real Job!

Let me tell ya folks, I got an offer you just can't refuse.  For the price of readin' this post, you'll learn how ta set yourself up with a part time income to supplement your welfare check, your kitchen lab setup, or help you offset those traffic citations.  Hell, once this business gets rollin' for ya, you could even make a decent livin', provided you inherited a dirt patch in rural Missouri, or some such place that don't expect ya to pay much in property taxes.

I know some of you are thinking this is going to be waay too much effort and waay too much money ta get started, but you're wrong.  This'll be hardly any effort at all.  Just clean up some puppy poop (or not) and the occasional blood stain, an' you too can repeatedly post Pit Pups on CL for anywheres between $200 and $700 a head (in between gittin' flagged off for "prohibited posting").

An' them pups that don't sell 'fore they're no longer pup, can be "rehomed" as rescues by either you or your good friends needin' ta move where the mean, mean landlord won't allow 'em.

I tell ya, it's a killer deal.  All you gotta lay out is the price o' one Pit  bitch (or adopt one unspayed) 'n find yerself a Daddy dog down the road a piece. You can get yer stud fee waved for "pick 'o litter" (jus' don't ask what the man means 'bout looking for the most "game" pup), or better yet, ya can jus' stake yer Pit in heat out back an' come what may, cuz them Pit crosses are almost as good as them 100% ones.

And it gets even BETTER, cuz them Pittie Pups go out with an EXPIRY DATE of about two years, 'fore them families that bought 'em wind up offerin' them up on CL or havin' them run off or lose 'em cuz the neighbors can't stand 'em anymore and take matters into their own hands an' guess what...

A good percentage of those folks will be back at yer DOOR wantin' another one just like the pibblywibbly they got awhile back cuz, THERE'S NO BAD DOGS only BAD OWNERS an' this is their chance to redeem themselves.  There's a WHOLE DAMNED advertisin' MACHINE out there sayin' as much, over and over and over again, an' we all know if it ain't true, an' you repeat it enough, it becomes true by magic.

You can thank the HSUS, ASPCA, along with their less reputable brethren 'fore ADVERTISING the great FAMILY NATURE of your pups for FREE, so there will ALWAYS be more damned fools, I mean, potential customers, lookin' for these POOR, MISUNDERSTOOD puppies that you've so kindly produced for 'em.


But HURRY!  Folks are callin' for BSL EVERYWHERE, so you'd better git goin' while the gittin' is good!  With luck, you'l be able to pay fer that BIG SCREEN TV with yer first litter (an' 'fore your bitch goes all pit bull on yer ass).