Friday, November 10, 2017

Why I hate your Emotional Therapy Dog

So, this just appeared in a farm related discussion group I'm on.  Just FYI, most small farmers don't have a lot of money and a renter or two is a great way to supplement their income, until ...

>>>As of last night, a pitbull puppy was smuggled upstairs. As I slept, they
then texted me that the pitbull is an Emotional Support Dog, with a letter
from a doctor at an urgent care clinic..They therefore do not need to give
me a damage deposit, and I cannot evict them. They started the text by
admitting that they already knew that I was extremely upset by pitbulls,
thanks to my chickens and ducks being murdered, and 3 horses with mouth
sized chunks removed from their legs. But, they have owned pitbulls
before, and their stellar dog training skills will guarantee that my
animals will not be murdered/ These two are in their early 20's. One
horse of mine only cost $2K in vet bills, but the other 2 almost died and
had to be taken to the vet school -- $4K each to save their lives

 It's gonna cost this farmer $$ and valuable TIME to get these idiots and their "emotional therapy" Pit Bull out of the floor above them!

This kind of slimy con by pitbull advocates is why I do not rent to human occupants..  

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Barkin' Dogs, AGAIN!

Damn.  Just Damn. 

After years of battle I finally convinced one jackassed neighbor that they should shut up their effin' dog an' I had Peach and Quiet in the woods for awhile, but no now.

Now, I got a yippy creature on the other side wakin' me up way before dawn and makin' me very CRANKY.

You'd think on near 35 acres you'da bought yerself Peace and Quiet, but NO.  Not a chance with every freakin' Dawg Lovin' moron lovin' their dogs by dumpin' them outside all night long and ignorin' them when they raise a racket.  Damned thing coulda been eaten alive by a mountain lion and it's lazy assed owner wouldn't known.  Idiots.

Rather wish it HAD been eaten alive, however, as this looks to be the latest neighborhood nuisance.

I exercised my lungs for awhile back at the stupid mongrel, but that had no effect.  I'll have to get closer, and meaner, and earlier in the morning for the pinhead owners to notice.

In the mean time, I wrote a nastygram to their HOA, cuz they're stick-up-their-asses gated community folks, don't ya know. 

And I'm thinkin' about the next escalation.  Could log off the 20 acres next door to 'em and put in a Industrial Chicken farm.  They'd love the smell, but it won't be fair to the chickens.

Oh, oh..   free range hogs.  Much smellier, and meaner too.  Poochie wanders onto the place and poochie becomes part of the next pack-o-bacon!


Thursday, June 23, 2016


If your DOG is leaning on its LEAD you're doing it WRONG!

The DOG should not be CHOKING because it's PULLING SO HARD it's cutting off its AIR.

Your ARM should not be SORE when you're done walking your DOG.

You should NEVER be pulled off your FEET by your DOG.

(You should NEVER have your ARM/wrist/elbow/hand/shoulder broken when your DOG pulls you off your feet)

You and your DOG should not be TILTED AWAY from each other at 45 degrees so that you can maintain your balance while your DOG CHOKES itself because it's LEANING ON ITS LEASH so hard.
People should not be crossing the street while you walk your DOG because you have so little CONTROL of it, it may pull away from you and kill them/their dog/their kid/their horse/their spouse.
Leash train your damned DOG properly so that it isn't a danger to ITSELF or OTHERS, or keep the damned thing at home.
If you get out in public and REALIZE that your DAMNED DOG has LOST ITS MIND, or you were unable to properly LEASH TRAIN your ANIMAL, take it back to your CAR/your HOUSE/your CARDBOARD BOX UNDER A BRIDGE and keep it there until it IS.

Pit Bull Breedin' - Better than Havin' a Real Job!

Let me tell ya folks, I got an offer you just can't refuse.  For the price of readin' this post, you'll learn how ta set yourself up with a part time income to supplement your welfare check, your kitchen lab setup, or help you offset those traffic citations.  Hell, once this business gets rollin' for ya, you could even make a decent livin', provided you inherited a dirt patch in rural Missouri, or some such place that don't expect ya to pay much in property taxes.

I know some of you are thinking this is going to be waay too much effort and waay too much money ta get started, but you're wrong.  This'll be hardly any effort at all.  Just clean up some puppy poop (or not) and the occasional blood stain, an' you too can repeatedly post Pit Pups on CL for anywheres between $200 and $700 a head (in between gittin' flagged off for "prohibited posting").

An' them pups that don't sell 'fore they're no longer pup, can be "rehomed" as rescues by either you or your good friends needin' ta move where the mean, mean landlord won't allow 'em.

I tell ya, it's a killer deal.  All you gotta lay out is the price o' one Pit  bitch (or adopt one unspayed) 'n find yerself a Daddy dog down the road a piece. You can get yer stud fee waved for "pick 'o litter" (jus' don't ask what the man means 'bout looking for the most "game" pup), or better yet, ya can jus' stake yer Pit in heat out back an' come what may, cuz them Pit crosses are almost as good as them 100% ones.

And it gets even BETTER, cuz them Pittie Pups go out with an EXPIRY DATE of about two years, 'fore them families that bought 'em wind up offerin' them up on CL or havin' them run off or lose 'em cuz the neighbors can't stand 'em anymore and take matters into their own hands an' guess what...

A good percentage of those folks will be back at yer DOOR wantin' another one just like the pibblywibbly they got awhile back cuz, THERE'S NO BAD DOGS only BAD OWNERS an' this is their chance to redeem themselves.  There's a WHOLE DAMNED advertisin' MACHINE out there sayin' as much, over and over and over again, an' we all know if it ain't true, an' you repeat it enough, it becomes true by magic.

You can thank the HSUS, ASPCA, along with their less reputable brethren 'fore ADVERTISING the great FAMILY NATURE of your pups for FREE, so there will ALWAYS be more damned fools, I mean, potential customers, lookin' for these POOR, MISUNDERSTOOD puppies that you've so kindly produced for 'em.

But HURRY!  Folks are callin' for BSL EVERYWHERE, so you'd better git goin' while the gittin' is good!  With luck, you'l be able to pay fer that BIG SCREEN TV with yer first litter (an' 'fore your bitch goes all pit bull on yer ass).

Saturday, November 29, 2014

Happy Holiday Gift from Pregger Pit Nutter

This one deserves a HEADLINE:

Pregnant Pit Nutter tries to Pawn Dog Aggro Pittie off  to give it Room to Roam!

Just look at this fine Craigslist Ad I ran across this morning, doesn't it warm the cockles of  your hearts?
We have a 3 year old white pit mix named Chance that we adopted from the pound a year ago this November. We thought that our brindle pit needed a buddy so we welcomed a 2nd addition into our home. Needless to say two big rowdy boys is to much for my pregnant self to handle, and we have realized that Chance needs to be in a one dog only home. Apart they are great dogs but together they are trouble makers who constantly doesn't want to listen so I have decided to give it up before my pregnancy hormones get the best of me. Chance is house trained and knows how to sit shake and lay down. He will also cry at the door when he needs to go outside. Although he is very hard headed he is a sweet puppy that wants nothing more than your attention. But you have to watch him around other dogs. If you take him out for a walk get a muzzle because he is not the sweetest dog when it comes to other unfamiliar pups. He loves his tennis balls and will follow you around where ever you may go. We love our Chancy but I can't have two obnoxious rowdy boys and a baby in my household. Our neighbor kept Chance for a month to see if his attitude would change and it did dramatically. He was very chilled out and much more acceptable to listening. I strongly advise that you do not have another dog or bring another dog into your house or you are going to be in for a treat. I would like him to go to a home where he has room to run and roam. We live in the city which is another downfall to poor Chance being cooped up in the house all the time. We take him on walks but we only have so much time in our lives to give him all the attention he needs. If we lived out from the city with more land for him to run free we wouldn't be asking to rehome him but that isn't the case and he deserves more of a life than we can give him! If you want more information on Chance call or text Kelsie at
show contact info
or Michael at
show contact info
We will be glad to answer any of your questions.

Lovely, aitn't it?  Let's send dog aggressive, admittedly command resistive, should-be-muzzed in public moron of a killing machine out to the country where it will have 'Room to Roam'.

Right.  So it can roam right into my farm or my neighbor's farm and kill the dogs, or cats, or chickens, or sheep or alpacas or just about anything else that suits its bloodlust fancy when the freaking animal gets bored.

Thanks for the Holiday Gift, Kelsie and Michael.  We rural folk very much appreciate it.

One good thing, though.  Pittie is white, which makes him a fine target even at this time of year, when it's more dark than light.

Okay, farmers of Western Washington, you know what you have to do.

Just don't shoot your neighbors while you're at it.

Happy Holidays!

Thursday, May 1, 2014

How is a Pit Bull* like another Shot 'o Whiskey?

Like riddles?  Well, I'll be upfront about this one, and tell you I'm not going to give you the answer, I'll just let you come up with one yourself.

I'm just going to babble awhile and see what you come up with.

See, I was talking to a alcoholic/former alcoholic/recovering alcoholic/whatever they call themselves these days, and he told me how, back in the day (early '90's), the guys would joke about the "dwee's" they'd get.

"What's a dwee?", says I.

He says, "DWI.  They were DWI's back then, not DUI's."

Well, hell, times sure have changed, I though, because I DO remember when  driving drunk was funny, in fact being drunk in public was the height of hilarity, remember?

We're talking the tail end of the vaudevillian's lives, and there were still comedians making money off of the funny drunk acts, and stand ups were making jokes about blackouts and Deano, OMG, do you remember Dean Martin?  If not, just hit youtube and search on Deano and Drunk. 

People would bang up their cars and laugh about it.

More to the point, people would kill and injure folks while they were driving under the influence, and they might, might, get a DWI.

Remember that?

Killing someone after you've gotten yourself so drunk you can barely stand, then sliding behind the wheel and mowing that poor person over was considered an "unfortunate accident".

Oh, but plenty of people drove while drunk and DIDN'T have an "accident", so how do you know my drunk driving caused the "accident", officer?

Anyone can have an "accident", after all.

Yep, I remember those arguments, because I remember the birth of MADD.

Remember MADD?  Mothers Against Drunk Driving.

A small committed organization that took on popular culture and actually made a difference, IMO.

It didn't happen overnight, though.  My friend's story about guys joking about dwee's was 5-6 years or so after MADD came on the scene.  Even now, as he pointed out, there are folks driving around with multiple DUI's and still have their licenses, but I tell you, it's a lot better than it used to be.

These days, you kill or maim someone while drunk, you'll do time.

Now, what was my point?  Oh yeah, pit bull owners are always having these "unfortunate accidents", so how are these "capable dogs" like another shot of whiskey?

*For this exercise, the term "Pit Bull" will stand in for what some folk refer to as "Capable Dog", meaning "My dog can shred a door/goat/Maltese/arm/leg/mailman faster than yours can, neener, neener".

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Not only do I hate THIS DOG

But I also HATE all the doggie lovin' idiots tryin' to save it.

You know what, though?  It makes no sense to argue with idiots or try to reason with the irrational, oh, sometimes it's worth a few chuckles, but seriously, when you get 25K "likes" on a page promoting saving one of these worthless animals and 100X less than that on the poor kid's page who nearly lost his face to the same animal, there's a hell of a lot of mis-directed energy out there. 

To me, that's just energy wasted.

So here're my ideas on harnessing all that pittie pity for good, or at least humiliatin' and scarin' the fuckers off when they won't put their money where there big mouths are.

Any dog, having caused severe injury or death in an unprovoked attack will be spared from euthanasia IF AND ONLY IF the following conditions are met, say, within 30 days, cuz I'm really mean and I get bored of drama real quickly.

 (Warning to all you dangerous doggie darlings, warm up those "gofundme" sites, as this is gonna get expensive real quick).

1.  Funding for all the victim's current and (generously) projected medical bills for the attack must be secured.  Don't know how you pay the family back for a death, but I'm sure the big insurance companies can help ya'll come up with a figure.

2.  Speaking of insurance companies, enough money has to be raised to ensure enough insurance is purchased on the dog to cover any potential future injury, cuz, even if by some miracle the doggie angels raise enough for item #1, nobody believes they'll be around for the next mauling.

3. Enough funding will be secured so that poochie can live out its life in proper containment, say a cage with a concrete floor, steel bars, a roof and lots and lots of hotwire to help it remember not to play with (or piss) on the bars and help it's caretakers remember the same. 
Proper containment includes adequate leashing and muzzling whenever doggie is removed from its regular containment unit an a nice steel box with a few air holes, whenever it has to be transported off premises.

4.  Oh, speaking of caretakers, since they've taken on a known dangerous animal, they will be criminally liable for any violations of #3


any violations of #3, will put doggie back on death row.

5.  To help ease future identification of former death row doggies, DNA* will be taken and placed into a nationwide database funded by the same death row doggie well wishers AND doggie will be marked on the head, sides and back in such a manner that they can be identified from a safe distance.  I'd suggest something like a large, strategically placed, X or a bull's eye.  It shall be legal for anyone seeing such a dog at large to dispatch such dog with whatever means at hand. 

Of course, it follows that former death row doggies cannot be dressed up in stupid costumes, tutus or service vests.

So whatdaya think?  Is that enough? I say if enough yo-yos with enough money want to save these worthless animals, let 'em.  Just make sure they adequately pay the victims and protect the public FIRST.

I have one more thought that I don't understand why we haven't employed way long time ago.  Why don't we pull these dog's teeth, even in "one bite" states?  Hell, felons can't (legally) have guns, why do we not take these animals' weapons away?  Don't tell me it's cruel, I've seen more than one toothless 'old' border collie still handy on the farm, having made themselves that way through a life of fetching. 

Those dogs get along just fine. "Onion" the 'rescued' killer would get along just fine too, and be a fuck site less dangerous.

*I may have freaked a bunch of folks by the sight of "DNA testing" on the screen.  Rest assured, this is for INDIVIDUAL dog identification purposes alone, not any attempt at breed ID.  Microchips have been known to get lost, and can be removed.  DNA is for life.